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Best Rodney Dangerfield Quotes: A Comedic Mastermind’s Witty One-Liners

rodney dangerfield quotes

Have you ever heard of the American comedian Rodney Dangerfield? He is known for his hilarious one-liners and witty humor. His jokes were so funny that they have stood the test of time and are still relevant today. The best part? They can be used in everyday situations! This is why Rodney Dangerfield quotes are so important.

One of the benefits of using his quotes is that they can be used to lighten up the mood in a serious conversation. For example, if you are in the middle of an intense debate, throwing in a Rodney Dangerfield quote can ease the tension and bring laughter to the situation.

In addition, his quotes can also be used to make yourself more approachable. Quoting Rodney Dangerfield can show that you have a good sense of humor. This can be especially helpful when meeting new people or trying to make a good impression.

Overall, incorporating Rodney Dangerfield’s quotes into your daily life can bring much-needed laughter and levity to any situation. Whether you’re trying to lighten the mood, make yourself more approachable, or just have a good laugh, his one-liners can help you achieve it. So why not give it a try and start using his quotes today?


Rodney Dangerfield was an American stand-up comedian and actor born in 1921. He became well-known for his self-deprecating humor, trademark white shirt, red tie, and bulging eyes. He started his career in small clubs in New York City before his breakthrough in comedy albums in the 60s and 70s. Dangerfield was a regular on The Tonight Show and Late Show with David Letterman, where he delivered his famous one-liners. He also starred in numerous movies, including Caddyshack, Easy Money, and Back to School.

His unique style of comedy has made him an enduring icon, even after his death in 2004. He turned his personal struggles into comedy, making jokes about his unhappy childhood, unsuccessful love life, and failed business attempts. His memorable punchlines, delivered with impeccable timing, have made his quotes popular and often quoted to this day.

Funny and Witty Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield is known for his hilarious and witty one-liners. Here are some of his most famous quotes:

  1. “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
  2. “My wife’s cooking is so bad, the flies pitched in to fix the screen door.”
  3. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So, I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.”
  4. “I’m so ugly, I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.”
  5. “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”
  6. “When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, ‘I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through anyway.'”

These quotes are just the tip of the iceberg of the hilarity that was Rodney Dangerfield. He captivated audiences with his jokes about his lack of respect and love from friends and family, his ineptitude with work, and his perpetual bad luck. He was the master of self-deprecation and the king of one-liners.

Rodney Dangerfield’s Wisdom Quotes

Although Rodney Dangerfield was known for his comedic talent, he also had a profound side. Here are some of his more inspiring quotes:

  1. “I have a drinking problem. I get two hands, and I can’t hold on to a martini.”
  2. “I told my wife, ‘Hey, you played me for a fool.’ She said, ‘You should have been lucky!'”
  3. “I was so poor growing up, if I hadn’t been a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.”
  4. “I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”
  5. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
  6. “I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

From these quotes, we can see that Rodney Dangerfield didn’t take life too seriously and found humor in difficult situations. His quote about how he was so poor growing up that he had nothing to play with is a testament to his ability to laugh at himself. His memorable one-liners have given us a window into his hilarious mind and have stood the test of time.

The Legacy of Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield may have passed away in 2004, but his humor and legacy continue to inspire and entertain audiences today. His quotes have become part of popular culture and are often referenced in movies, TV shows, and social media. His life is a testament to the power of laughter, and he will always be remembered as a comedy legend.

The world may have lost Rodney Dangerfield, but his one-liners and humor live on, bringing joy and laughter to all who hear them.

Funny Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield was known for his quick wit, sharp tongue, and hilarious one-liners. Here are some of his funniest quotes that are sure to make you laugh out loud:

  1. “I told my wife she looks sexy with black nail polish. Now she thinks I want to start a garage band.”
  2. “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.”
  3. “I’m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.”
  4. “I’m so ugly… My proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth.”
  5. “My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.”
  6. “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”
  7. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
  8. “My wife’s cooking is so bad the flies chipped in to fix the screen door.”
  9. “My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”
  10. “Last week I told my wife we needed to spice up our love life. She asked me to move out of the way while she watched Grey’s Anatomy.”

These are just a few of the many hilarious lines that Rodney Dangerfield delivered over the years. His self-deprecating humor and ability to poke fun at himself and his own shortcomings endeared him to audiences all over the world. If you’re feeling down or need a good laugh, just remember some of these classic Rodney Dangerfield quotes and you’ll be smiling in no time!

Sarcastic Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield was one of the most beloved comedians of his time, known for his quick wit and biting sarcasm. A master of one-liners, his jokes have become iconic pieces of popular culture, and his influence is still felt in comedy today. Here are some of his best examples of sarcastic quotes that will have you laughing and cringing at the same time.

“I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.” This classic quip showcases Dangerfield’s use of self-deprecating humor and his ability to turn an insult into a punchline. His comedic persona was that of a lovable loser who couldn’t catch a break, and this joke captures that perfectly.

“My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion.” Dangerfield was known for not pulling any punches, and this joke about his wife’s cooking is a perfect example of that. His delivery was always deadpan, which made his jokes even funnier.

“Women are like elephants. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” This controversial joke was typical of Dangerfield’s irreverent humor. He often made jokes about gender and sexuality, which were considered edgy at the time. However, his fans loved him for it.

“I get no respect. I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.” This self-deprecating joke is one of Dangerfield’s most famous, and for good reason. It perfectly encapsulates his humor and his persona, and it’s still funny today.

“I’m so ugly, my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.” Dangerfield’s jokes were often aimed at himself, and this one is no exception. His self-deprecating humor made him relatable to his audience, and it’s one of the reasons why he was so beloved.

“Last week I told my psychiatrist, ‘I keep thinking about suicide.’ He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.” This joke about mental health might not be as well-received today, but it’s still a classic example of Dangerfield’s dark humor. He pushed boundaries and was unafraid to tackle controversial topics.

Rodney Dangerfield was a master of sarcasm and wit, and his jokes have stood the test of time. These quotes are just a taste of his comedic genius, and they show why he’s still considered one of the greatest comedians of all time.

Self-Deprecating Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield was famous for his ability to make jokes about himself, and this section will highlight some of his most memorable quotes. One of his classics includes: “I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”

Another example of his witty self-deprecating humor is: “I’m so ugly, my mother had morning sickness after I was born.”

He also joked about his lack of success with women with lines like: “I was so poor growing up, if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have nothing to play with.”

Rodney was never afraid to point out his own flaws and insecurities. He once said: “I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”

Despite poking fun at himself, Rodney always managed to make his audiences laugh and feel better about their own imperfections. His honesty and vulnerability were part of what made him such a beloved comedian and entertainer.

One of his most famous lines was: “I don’t get no respect.” This catchphrase became part of his brand and summed up his style of humor perfectly. Even though he was making fun of himself, he commanded respect from his audiences and peers in the comedy world.

Rodney’s self-deprecating humor was a reflection of his humble beginnings and the struggles he faced in his personal life. He grew up poor and worked odd jobs before landing his big break in comedy. His jokes about his weight, looks, and relationships were relatable to many people and helped to establish him as an icon in the entertainment industry.

Although Rodney passed away in 2004, his legacy lives on through his movies, TV appearances, and of course, his one-liners. His self-deprecating style of humor has inspired countless comedians and will continue to make people laugh for generations to come.

Motivational Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield was a comedian known for his self-deprecating humor and witty one-liners. However, he also had a few motivational quotes that are worth mentioning. These quotes show his resilience and determination, and can serve as great sources of encouragement to us all.

The first motivational quote we’ll discuss is: “I’m a survivor. I don’t let setbacks get me down.” This quote shows that Rodney refused to dwell on his failures. Instead, he focused on his strengths and kept pushing forward. He didn’t let setbacks define him, but rather used them as opportunities to learn and grow. This is a great attitude to have, as setbacks and failures are inevitable in life, but it’s how we respond to them that makes all the difference.

The second motivational quote is: “I can handle the setbacks, the victories are hard to get.” This quote shows that Rodney understood that success doesn’t come easy. It takes hard work, dedication, and resilience. He recognized that setbacks and obstacles are a part of the journey, but it’s important to keep pushing through them to achieve our goals. The victories may be few and far between, but they are worth the effort and perseverance.

The third motivational quote is: “I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep, they will have someone to talk to.” Although this quote may seem like a joke, it actually carries a deeper message. It shows that even in his later years, Rodney had a playful and optimistic outlook on life. He didn’t let his age or any other factor limit him, but rather embraced life to the fullest. This is a valuable mindset to have, as it reminds us to never stop enjoying life and seeking new experiences, no matter what our age.

The fourth motivational quote is: “My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him, ‘If you don’t mind, I’d like a second opinion.’ He said, ‘Alright, you’re ugly too!'” This quote may seem like pure humor, but it actually highlights the importance of having a sense of humor and not taking ourselves too seriously. Rodney knew that life can be tough and that sometimes we need a good laugh to break the tension. He used humor as a coping mechanism and as a way to connect with others. This is a great reminder for us all to not take life too seriously and to find joy in the little things.

Finally, the fifth motivational quote is: “A friend of mine was so tall, he tripped over a rock and hit his head on the moon.” This quote may seem silly, but it actually shows Rodney’s creativity and imagination. He had the ability to see the world in a unique and humorous way, and this allowed him to come up with some of the funniest jokes and quotes. This is a reminder that we all have unique talents and perspectives, and that we should embrace them fully and let them guide us towards success.

In conclusion, while Rodney Dangerfield may be best known for his humor, he also had a few motivational quotes that can serve as great sources of encouragement. From his resilience and determination to his sense of humor and creativity, Rodney’s quotes remind us to never give up, find joy in life, and embrace our unique talents and perspectives.

Rodney Dangerfield: A Legend in Comedy

Rodney Dangerfield is often regarded as one of the greatest comedians of all time. His sarcastic sense of humor, witty one-liners, and self-deprecating jokes made him a crowd favorite. Even after his passing, his legacy continues to inspire and amuse people across generations.

The Funniest Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield’s humor was characterized by his unique ability to draw laughs out of ordinary situations, making him one of the most humorous and relatable comedians ever. Here are some of his funniest quotes and jokes that continue to tickle our funny bone:

“I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.”

“I’m so old, I remember when the Dead Sea was still sick.”

“My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.”

“I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow and he told me to wear a brown tie.”

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.”

Why Rodney Dangerfield’s Quotes are Still Relevant Today

Rodney Dangerfield’s comedic legacy was so powerful that nearly 40 years after he first rose to prominence, his one-liners and catchphrases are as relevant and humorous as they were in his prime. One of the reasons behind his enduring popularity is that his humor always seemed to be about universal issues of human existence—those things we all face, such as aging and relationships, that can be both frustrating and hilarious.

Additionally, his wit and humor perfectly lampooned society’s norms and expectations, making him a voice that people from all walks of life could relate to. Dangerfield’s comedy was both a reflection and a critique of the world around him, making him a true icon of modern comedy.

Rodney Dangerfield’s Influence on Comedy

Rodney Dangerfield’s influence on comedy cannot be overstated. He inspired an entire generation of comedians, including the likes of Jerry Seinfeld, Kevin Hart, and Amy Schumer. Dangerfield’s way of making fun of himself created a new comedic genre, which is still hugely popular today. His quick wit, perfect timing, and impeccable delivery made him a true master of the art form.

Dangerfield’s one-liners were easy to remember and repeat, making them an instant hit with audiences. He proved that comedy could be easy to understand and still be smart. His humor was popularized through his numerous TV appearances, and his jokes became the subject of countless comedy sketches and parodies.

Rodney Dangerfield: A Man of Many Talents

One thing that many people don’t know about Rodney Dangerfield is that he was much more than just a comedian. He was also an actor, a writer, and a producer. He starred in some of the most iconic films of his time, including “Caddyshack,” “Easy Money,” and “Back to School.”

Dangerfield was also a prolific writer, penning several books and plays during his career. He even created and produced his TV show, “The Rodney Dangerfield Show,” which ran for two seasons in the early 1980s.


Rodney Dangerfield was a giant of comedy whose legacy continues to inspire and amuse people today. His unique sense of humor and undeniable talent set a standard for modern comedians, and his influence can still be felt in the world of comedy decades after his passing. Whether you are a fan of classic stand-up, movies, or comedy TV shows, Rodney Dangerfield’s humor will always be a timeless treasure for audiences everywhere.

FAQ and Conclusions

Here are ten frequently asked questions related to Rodney Dangerfield along with the corresponding answers:

1. Who was Rodney Dangerfield?

Rodney Dangerfield was an American comedian and actor who became famous for his one-liners and self-deprecating humor.

2. What are some famous Rodney Dangerfield quotes?

Some famous Rodney Dangerfield quotes include “I don’t get no respect”, “I tell ya, I’m alright now but last week I was in rough shape”, and “I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

3. What was Rodney Dangerfield’s net worth?

At the time of his death in 2004, Rodney Dangerfield’s net worth was estimated to be around $10 million.

4. Did Rodney Dangerfield have children?

Yes, Rodney Dangerfield had two children named Brian and Melanie.

5. What movies was Rodney Dangerfield in?

Rodney Dangerfield starred in several movies, including “Caddyshack”, “Back to School”, and “Easy Money”.

6. What was the cause of Rodney Dangerfield’s death?

Rodney Dangerfield died from complications following heart valve replacement surgery.

7. Where is Rodney Dangerfield buried?

Rodney Dangerfield is buried at the Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery in Los Angeles, California.

8. Did Rodney Dangerfield ever win an Academy Award?

No, Rodney Dangerfield never won an Academy Award.

9. What was Rodney Dangerfield’s real name?

Rodney Dangerfield’s real name was Jacob Cohen.

10. When was Rodney Dangerfield born?

Rodney Dangerfield was born on November 22, 1921.

In conclusion, Rodney Dangerfield was a legendary comedian and actor who left a lasting impact on the entertainment industry. His unique style of humor and memorable one-liners continue to make people laugh to this day. As Rodney once said, “I don’t get no respect”, but we can all agree that his contributions to comedy will always be respected and appreciated.

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